I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
