I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize