you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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