The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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