you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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