I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
