Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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