Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
