I am full of burrito and curiosity
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
