Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
