You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
