This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize