i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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