the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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