I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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