I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I licked your asshole in confidence.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
