I must be too annoying 4 u.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
