Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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