i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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