woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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