Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
