Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
