so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
