Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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