I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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