I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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