That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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