your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize