I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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