Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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