Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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