just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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