my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
