Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
