I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
