guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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