i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
