Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
