she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
