my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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