I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
