So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
