I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
why is half of my head shaved?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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