My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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