i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
