I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
