I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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