i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
