here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
please come you make the beer taste better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
