seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
