Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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