With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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