Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
3pm strippers are depressing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
