I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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