Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
