my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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