he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
