The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
