he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
