just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
