Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
